I’d like to say a big thank you to those who commented on my previous post, Facing Your Fears in Stormy Weather offering condolence for the death of my friend and colleague.
I initially debated with myself about writing about it in a blog that is about setting up my affiliate marketing business, but I am glad I did.
Moving ON
I was also ready to move on this week and in fact, I did complete a post, Grow an Email List… focused on the activities I had this week accomplished in the business.
However, this morning, I decided to do this post as I wanted to thank the people who commented and acknowledged this loss.
And
I wanted to reaffirm that it is ok to grieve, it’s part of life.
On Grief and Grieving
Maria Shriver in a forward to Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, On Grief and Grieving says that ‘we live in a grief-illiterate nation‘ and that Doctor Kubler-Ross gives us ‘permission to grieve‘.
Shriver goes on to say that she ‘grew up in a family that had lots of tragedy, but no one ever discussed it’
Let’s Talk About It
It’s for these reasons I decided to write another post to affirm something that is not talked about much.
Since the pandemic, it seems as though we’ve moved on without processing what was a traumatic experience for many people.
We just don’t talk about it.
What Kubler-Ross and Shriver show is that talking about difficult subjects like this is how healing takes place!!
It seems that the reason we avoid talking about death is because we have a fear of it.
We need to acknowledge our fears, so we can face them.
Face our Fears
I referred to ‘Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway’, by Susan Jeffries in that previous post.
And you can see from the title how we can respond to fear.
We feel the fear and do it anyway. That is the solution.
My Fears
For myself, I am coming to a crossroads in my business that I have shied away from for a while.
The next step in my business is that I need to choose a primary platform to promote my blog.
I am researching TikTok and YouTube, so I think you can guess where I am going.
I have put off this crucial step for several years because of my fear of being on camera.
This I intend to break through!
This Blog – How Awesome It Is…
Finally, it’s been tough these past two weeks but
what has been amazing has been sharing this experience and receiving such supportive comments back.
I have made contact with a few members of the crew that worked together who knew my friend
and
we’re catching up so that’s been awesome.
It feels good to be back in touch with people who understand this business
and
I am excited to share with them where I am now.
Be Fear-less,
Eleanor
What are your fears? Write them down, make a list, and prioritize them.
Please leave a comment below. I’d love to hear from you.
Fear is a huge deal for me. I fear not doing this is a big one. I don’t want to fail in this endeavor as it affects so many areas of my life. I have a good day job, it pays well, but the organization is very political and one never knows from day to day how what is going to happen. I am well into retirement age, but do not have the savings to retire, so I fear being destitute. Will that happen, I hope not, but it could so I need to stay the course, set up and learn, so I can work for myself and have more control of my future.
Good blog!
Eleanor,
I appreciate you talking about fear. We all need to face it and lean into it to make our life easier. I learned in a grief share class that if you do not lean into your fear it never goes away.
TikTok was really my first venture into online media. I started by putting words over a picture, and eventually learned not to worry about putting my picture.
Keep facing the fear and eventually it grows smaller and smaller.
Grieving is not something to be ashamed of. It is a natural process we go through when we experience loss.
However, it is difficult because people want to help but don’t know what to say or do. This creates an awkward feeling so we avoid it. At least this has been my experience.
Like grief we must also face & embrace our fears. For growth & success lies beyond those fears. They are what allows us to develop into the person we need to be.
I know you are struggling with doing video. A mentor told me to create 100 videos on any topics you enjoy. Don’t worry about the content just do them. No need to upload them, just get the experience of being on camera & getting comfortable. You will notice your confidence & quality will increase. Once done post one for your affiliate marketing.
Hi Eleanor,
As I was reading your post I was thinking about when we all were babies and had no fear at all. Isn’t that something? If we could get back to that stage of no fear again, then life would be so much easier…
I know what you’re thinking about with getting on camera. We all have that fear a little bit. How will we look on camera, how will we sound, and how will we deliver? Someone today who has the same fear had just said they were going to start practicing on their phone before anything else to see how they perform on camera. I thought that was a fantastic idea!! Just don’t think about it so much, and just dive into it, and you will be fine.
I look forward to hearing how you did the first time. something else to talk about for a post.
Meredith
I’m sorry to hear about your loss, and I agree it’s good to talk about these things with people we trust so we can process our feelings and work through our fears.
Eleanor, you bring up a very important topic. Grieving and fear are something all of us have to deal with at some point. The last couple of years, my father-in-law, mother-in-law and my mother passed away in the space of 18 months. That’s a lot to grieve about and can create a lot of fear. However, it’s important to have a tool or a mechanism to deal with it. For me as a Muslim, it’s my faith in God. The teachings of Islam give you the tools, the prayers and the practical steps to take. It’s really comforting to have that. In terms of fear we have them, but the end of the day they aren’t real. It’s just the thought of something happening that hasn’t. I may never actually happen. Thanks for this thought provoking blog. Thanks, Atif.
Hi Eleanor,
Growing up in an Army family – and then becoming an Officer wasn’t the hardest part – the hardest part was telling others that it was ok for a 6 foot 220 pound Army Captain to cry.
My mother had a lot of help in that. She always told my brother and I that showing our emotions wasn’t a sign of weakness but a sign that we were willing to face the greatest of our adversities: grief. It has definitely been of great help in my emotional maturity.
Like you, I lost a very good friend recently and so many were eager to tell me how refreshing it was to see a man cry – but like I told them: “I’m not crying for your benefit, I’m crying for mine”.
Looking forward to your continued journey and the exchanges we will have!
Take care.
Fear is like a toddler yanking on your coat wanting attention. As soon as you acknowledge it, it goes away…. So I’ve heard!
My fear is certainly putting myself out there due to the comment that will come, I think it’s just a self defence thing…but recently this noise is dimming with training.
Eleanor, I have been following your other blog posts and I can truly say you are such a wonderful soul. I have so much appreciation and admiration for your ability to write about such a sensitive subject as grief… but more importantly, writing about that on your business blog. I’m a firm believer that you can’t separate your business from your personal life. I mean, we try… and we are told to, but as women, that’s quite difficult. We’re told to compartmentalize these two things, keep them separate… but we’re not men (sorry, guys… don’t mean to call you out there). I’ll even venture to say I don’t think we should. Feel it and talk through it, because others are going through the same. They find strength in reading your story and embracing that they are going through the same things as you. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for sharing.
I can understand the perspective of talking about death to heal from it. With that said, I think it depends on the individuals and the situation. For some people, talking about death and reliving the experience might actually make them feel worse.
By the way, I noticed there are 2 broken links on your post. When I click them, it says “Page Not Found”.
The first is ” Facing Your Fears in Stormy Weather” and the second is “previous post”.
Dealing with loss is so challenging but you’re not only moving forward you are creating a brand new business! You have so much momentum behind you that you will undoubtedly do great on camera! You got this!
I’m glad you spoke again about your feelings. Especially since your blog is about feeling fear and moving forward in your business. I expect you will be very frank about your experience in many ways and I’m looking forward to that. I’m really glad you’re getting back in touch with your friends. Our friends are so important, but it’s so easy to get caught up in all the things in life and not touch base with them. Death is so intermingled with life. It gets difficult when we try to separate them. But it’s hard to know how we go on when there’s death ahead and around us. But that’s where talking comes in. And even more so, I think laughter. We need to laugh with our friends because, in the end, that’s the key to what life is all about. After a hard day, we laugh.
Cv19 was tough for me because I suddenly found myself living alone after the death of my husband from cv19 and was forced to become an introvert, which I leaned toward, anyway. Then my brother died of cv19 soon after. You’re right- no one wants to talk about it, sweeps it away, hopes it will never come back. By the time I retired from the hospital I worked out recently, most of the hospital was filled with Covid patients. It ain’t going away.
thanks for this post, I am surprised to hear that people don’t grieve or talk about tragedy, i guess I am fortunate to live with those who are able to discuss these things and to participate in each other’s grief and grieving.
My family tends to approach such things with a touch of humor, when my Grandad was told one January morning by the doctor that he only had two weeks to live, he immediately replied, “In that case, I want the last week in September and the first in October”
It reminds me of the line in a poem that reads,
“I attended an odd but happy funeral. Good Grief!”
Great post! You keep writing about it and talking about it and feeling about it!!! We have the right to feel the way we feel and express ourselves so we can learn to move on. I am right there with you – choosing a platform. A little anxiety here, but we will make it, huh. Best of luck and best wishes for a great and productive week!
Eleanor, I am glad you are processing your fears and loss. It is so true that most of us are taught to suppress our emotions and not truly grieve and discuss the trauma or tragedy and process it, letting ourselves feel the emotions and letting them go when they no longer serve us. These old traumas and unresolved or untended emotions can get buried in our subconscious and pop up as fear and limiting beliefs. As a person who has done and continues to do a lot of work on recovering from childhood trauma, it is so important to tend to yourself and allow yourself to feel and embrace your emotions. Kudos to you for allowing yourself to grieve, sharing this vulnerable moment, facing your fears, and pushing through!
Fear is a huge deal for me. I fear not doing this is a big one. I don’t want to fail in this endeavor as it affects so many areas of my life. I have a good day job, it pays well, but the organization is very political and one never knows from day to day how what is going to happen. I am well into retirement age, but do not have the savings to retire, so I fear being destitute. Will that happen, I hope not, but it could so I need to stay the course, set up and learn, so I can work for myself and have more control of my future.
Good blog!
Eleanor,
I appreciate you talking about fear. We all need to face it and lean into it to make our life easier. I learned in a grief share class that if you do not lean into your fear it never goes away.
TikTok was really my first venture into online media. I started by putting words over a picture, and eventually learned not to worry about putting my picture.
Keep facing the fear and eventually it grows smaller and smaller.
Keep up the good work!
Eleanor,
I am so sorry to hear of your loss & grief!
Grieving is not something to be ashamed of. It is a natural process we go through when we experience loss.
However, it is difficult because people want to help but don’t know what to say or do. This creates an awkward feeling so we avoid it. At least this has been my experience.
Like grief we must also face & embrace our fears. For growth & success lies beyond those fears. They are what allows us to develop into the person we need to be.
I know you are struggling with doing video. A mentor told me to create 100 videos on any topics you enjoy. Don’t worry about the content just do them. No need to upload them, just get the experience of being on camera & getting comfortable. You will notice your confidence & quality will increase. Once done post one for your affiliate marketing.
You got this!
CJ
Hi Eleanor,
As I was reading your post I was thinking about when we all were babies and had no fear at all. Isn’t that something? If we could get back to that stage of no fear again, then life would be so much easier…
I know what you’re thinking about with getting on camera. We all have that fear a little bit. How will we look on camera, how will we sound, and how will we deliver? Someone today who has the same fear had just said they were going to start practicing on their phone before anything else to see how they perform on camera. I thought that was a fantastic idea!! Just don’t think about it so much, and just dive into it, and you will be fine.
I look forward to hearing how you did the first time. something else to talk about for a post.
Meredith
I’m sorry to hear about your loss, and I agree it’s good to talk about these things with people we trust so we can process our feelings and work through our fears.
Courage.
Eleanor, you bring up a very important topic. Grieving and fear are something all of us have to deal with at some point. The last couple of years, my father-in-law, mother-in-law and my mother passed away in the space of 18 months. That’s a lot to grieve about and can create a lot of fear. However, it’s important to have a tool or a mechanism to deal with it. For me as a Muslim, it’s my faith in God. The teachings of Islam give you the tools, the prayers and the practical steps to take. It’s really comforting to have that. In terms of fear we have them, but the end of the day they aren’t real. It’s just the thought of something happening that hasn’t. I may never actually happen. Thanks for this thought provoking blog. Thanks, Atif.
Hi Eleanor,
Growing up in an Army family – and then becoming an Officer wasn’t the hardest part – the hardest part was telling others that it was ok for a 6 foot 220 pound Army Captain to cry.
My mother had a lot of help in that. She always told my brother and I that showing our emotions wasn’t a sign of weakness but a sign that we were willing to face the greatest of our adversities: grief. It has definitely been of great help in my emotional maturity.
Like you, I lost a very good friend recently and so many were eager to tell me how refreshing it was to see a man cry – but like I told them: “I’m not crying for your benefit, I’m crying for mine”.
Looking forward to your continued journey and the exchanges we will have!
Take care.
Fear is like a toddler yanking on your coat wanting attention. As soon as you acknowledge it, it goes away…. So I’ve heard!
My fear is certainly putting myself out there due to the comment that will come, I think it’s just a self defence thing…but recently this noise is dimming with training.
I’ve signed up to your newsletter
I look forward to watching your videos x
Eleanor, I have been following your other blog posts and I can truly say you are such a wonderful soul. I have so much appreciation and admiration for your ability to write about such a sensitive subject as grief… but more importantly, writing about that on your business blog. I’m a firm believer that you can’t separate your business from your personal life. I mean, we try… and we are told to, but as women, that’s quite difficult. We’re told to compartmentalize these two things, keep them separate… but we’re not men (sorry, guys… don’t mean to call you out there). I’ll even venture to say I don’t think we should. Feel it and talk through it, because others are going through the same. They find strength in reading your story and embracing that they are going through the same things as you. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for sharing.
I can understand the perspective of talking about death to heal from it. With that said, I think it depends on the individuals and the situation. For some people, talking about death and reliving the experience might actually make them feel worse.
By the way, I noticed there are 2 broken links on your post. When I click them, it says “Page Not Found”.
The first is ” Facing Your Fears in Stormy Weather” and the second is “previous post”.
Dealing with loss is so challenging but you’re not only moving forward you are creating a brand new business! You have so much momentum behind you that you will undoubtedly do great on camera! You got this!
I’m glad you spoke again about your feelings. Especially since your blog is about feeling fear and moving forward in your business. I expect you will be very frank about your experience in many ways and I’m looking forward to that. I’m really glad you’re getting back in touch with your friends. Our friends are so important, but it’s so easy to get caught up in all the things in life and not touch base with them. Death is so intermingled with life. It gets difficult when we try to separate them. But it’s hard to know how we go on when there’s death ahead and around us. But that’s where talking comes in. And even more so, I think laughter. We need to laugh with our friends because, in the end, that’s the key to what life is all about. After a hard day, we laugh.
Cv19 was tough for me because I suddenly found myself living alone after the death of my husband from cv19 and was forced to become an introvert, which I leaned toward, anyway. Then my brother died of cv19 soon after. You’re right- no one wants to talk about it, sweeps it away, hopes it will never come back. By the time I retired from the hospital I worked out recently, most of the hospital was filled with Covid patients. It ain’t going away.
thanks for this post, I am surprised to hear that people don’t grieve or talk about tragedy, i guess I am fortunate to live with those who are able to discuss these things and to participate in each other’s grief and grieving.
My family tends to approach such things with a touch of humor, when my Grandad was told one January morning by the doctor that he only had two weeks to live, he immediately replied, “In that case, I want the last week in September and the first in October”
It reminds me of the line in a poem that reads,
“I attended an odd but happy funeral. Good Grief!”
Great post! You keep writing about it and talking about it and feeling about it!!! We have the right to feel the way we feel and express ourselves so we can learn to move on. I am right there with you – choosing a platform. A little anxiety here, but we will make it, huh. Best of luck and best wishes for a great and productive week!
Eleanor, I am glad you are processing your fears and loss. It is so true that most of us are taught to suppress our emotions and not truly grieve and discuss the trauma or tragedy and process it, letting ourselves feel the emotions and letting them go when they no longer serve us. These old traumas and unresolved or untended emotions can get buried in our subconscious and pop up as fear and limiting beliefs. As a person who has done and continues to do a lot of work on recovering from childhood trauma, it is so important to tend to yourself and allow yourself to feel and embrace your emotions. Kudos to you for allowing yourself to grieve, sharing this vulnerable moment, facing your fears, and pushing through!